on being a mom

this photo was taken when morris was just a week and a half old. he will officially be 4 weeks old in 15 minutes! i finished feeding him about 30 minutes ago and had him sleep on my shoulder for the following thirty minutes and feel like my heart is about to burst. it's hard to believe that i've had this sweet baby boy in my life for 4 weeks already but can't remember life without him. i mean, i can, but i can't believe that just 4 weeks ago it was just me and tanner. morris has brought new meaning to our lives that fills our hearts and souls in a way we've never known. it's the most amazing thing to experience!

as i checked on morris tonight while he slept, i leaned in to kiss his cheek (because i really can't see him and resist kissing my little baby) and my thoughts were turned to little eli jorgensen and his amazing momma, liz. when my parents came to the hospital to visit our new little family the day morris was born, they brought the tragic news that sweet lizzy rowley's (now jorgensen) 5 month old baby had passed away just hours before. i had been following little eli's story closely the weeks after i moved back to utah and my heart immediately broke for liz and logan as i could only imagine the heartache they were experiencing at that moment as i was celebrating the arrival of my own angel baby. i attended the funeral with morris and wept as liz shared her incredible talk with such faith and strength. she and logan really have experienced every parent's worst nightmare and have exhibited more love and endurance than i ever thought possible. 

every day i spend with morris brings on new emotions and learning experiences which makes time fly by quicker than it ever has in my life. i feel like i finally have it figured out one day - i know morris' schedule, what he sounds like when he wants to eat, when he should sleep, what i can do while he naps, etc. - i think i've finally got it down - and then the next day will come and it's all out the window and it turns out that i don't know a thing. but it's okay. i'm learning how to smile as i go, be patient with myself as i learn, develop different solutions as sometimes even failsafe strategies for calming down my baby will indeed fail, and how to laugh off the small things that i'm realizing will only make me more stressed or sad if i focus on them. 

often when i get to rock my little morris to sleep, the words from the poem "babies don't keep" come to my head:

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren’t her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).






The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.


i feel so blessed to be given the opportunity to participate in my calling as a mother and am starting to realize firsthand that it truly is a divine role appointed to women by our loving heavenly father. i'm grateful for the times when i am able to sit back and remember that, although i can't wait to see what my little baby morris will be like as he grows up, someday down the road i will be wishing he were right back to being this precious newborn asleep on my shoulder with his little arm around my neck, cooing and grunting himself to sleep. i'll remember sweet women, like liz, who have lost their little ones and hold my sweet baby tighter and be so grateful i have him in my arms and pray harder for them to find comfort. 


how i ever got so lucky to have my little family i'll never know, but i'm doing my best to be worthy of their great love and trying to soak up every second of the experience along the way.